How often do you find yourself hitting your head against the wall? That’s the time you wish you could set yourself on fire so that someone takes you seriously. Ok so really how seriously do you want to be taken. So who is ignoring you? Maybe it is just your serious lack of communication skills that need some attention.

So where to start? As we all know communication is a two-way street. It is an understanding firstly of what you want to get across to the other party. Then it is finding the right way to execute it. Without you firstly knowing what you want and why you want it, makes it really very difficult to put this into the correct words and context. This is a sure place for us to become misunderstood. You know that instance where a friend, colleague or family member just does not get you.

It's then where you can almost lose it completely, but at this point, it is more important for you to realise that good communication is a skill. You need to put the effort in to become a good communicator.

We all spend a lot of time trying to explain ourselves and time and time again your world just seems to turn in circles. From time to time we all get caught up in our thoughts and not really thinking about how we are going to explain ourselves just blurt it out and hurt or upset the people around us.

This is surely the biggest reason for a break down in relationships. Self-expression is also very important but it needs a safe place to be communicated. As you know, not everyone gets you. So you need to learn how to address others in different types of situations.

Negative communication is so very dangerous – it spreads like wildfire and soon you will have a break down in all relationships.

Don’t get caught up in the negativity of it all, it will only get you into trouble. Rather try and encourage one another to communicate in a safe and respectful way. Take other peoples feelings into consideration you will feel better for it.

So here is the best tip for better communication: THINK, FEEL, ACT. 

This will definitely help you avoid some miss communication.

Learning to THINK, FEEL, ACT in this order is a great way to start working on your EQ (emotional intelligence).

This is a technique that I have coached for many years now and I have used it in my personal and professional life. If you can get this right for most of the time you will surely avoid a misunderstanding and it will also allow you to rethink and reconsider what you started out wanting to say in the first instance.

How NOT to do it

You don’t want to first act and then think about how you or the other person would feel. By then it is usually too late and you can't take back words or how the words made them feel.

Solution

So let me explain. If you there is something that you want to say and know that it may upset the person you are voicing it to you might want to take some time to think about it. Then THINK just how it would make you both FEEL. If it feels ok and you have addressed it and considered your feelings and theirs then it is either safe or not to act on it.

This sure takes a bit of practice and discipline but you will be so much happier and in control of your spoken word and your actions.

One thing that I know I say to myself when I need to just calm down about a situation is “it is not all about me...”. 

So the next time you want someone to take you seriously and listen to you properly, think feel act. 

#livelifelovelife #payitforward