Self Confidence

By LifeworX · Sept. 15, 2017 · Life Coaching · 13 min read

Man in a suit looking confident.

There are some very important ingredients to having self-confidence. You probably know them and yet don’t feel them. Well, right now you’re in the starting blocks. 

Just like a runner cannot win a race unless he turns up for the event, so you too cannot gain self-confidence without doing the work and putting in the effort of changing the way you see yourself. Believing in yourself - and acknowledging even the smallest sparkle within yourself - is a start to becoming more confident. Learning what it is about you that makes you different to others.  Knowing that you are unique in your own way and that you strive for the best at all times.

Confidence is knowing what you’re good at, the value you provide, and acting in a way that conveys that to others. There is a big difference between arrogance and confidence - or should I say a very fine line.  Arrogance is when you believe that you are better than everyone else, and often step on people to get what you want.

Having a greater self-worth means having more confidence, and in turn valuing yourself and your capabilities. This all translates into:  feeling more valuable. You will experience more happiness and more enjoyment when you are happier with who you are. Self-confidence seems to eliminate to a large extent the poison we call self-doubt. When you are self-doubting rather than confident, you begin to question everything you do and that does not help you with the confidence you have in yourself.


Self-confidence means having a positive and realistic opinion of yourself, and being able to accurately measure your abilities. It is an important part of feeling good about being you.

It is that little voice inside that tells you that you really are okay and that you are a good person and that you know how to deal with things in good times and in bad. Feeling good about yourself helps you through tough times and also helps you enjoy the good times.  Everyone is vulnerable to self-confidence ups and downs encountered when navigating life's challenges. This happens to everyone, from the most out-going to the most timid people. 

Everyone needs a boost of self-confidence from time to time.  Increase your confidence levels and self-esteem by using certain tips and life tools.  Nobody was born confident. Confidence is learned. As a baby, you start to learn self-confidence by knowing your family loves you and as you learn to walk, play and talk.  You also learn confidence as you grow older and venture into the world.

Sometimes, even before that, people and events will challenge your confidence and help you to grow and learn. 

Sensitive people are especially vulnerable to such social pressures.  Sometimes you lose sight of things and find yourself with too little self-confidence to live the life you want.  That is when Life Coaching can be helpful.  These tips and tools have worked with very shy and timid people as well as those who want more confidence to take on even more challenges.  Every time you can make choices that bring you closer to who you really want to be.

You gain confidence after each activity or homework task.  You will find space to jot down ideas for extending or implementing that action as you work your way through. Your confidence will increase. Remember to tell yourself every day that you are a lovable and capable person, using a simple affirmation.  I am confident or something similar to that.  This will help you gain even the smallest amount of confidence in yourself.  Realise that, like everyone else, you are better at some things than others are and focus on your strengths. Avoid comparing yourself to others. 

Remember that you are a unique and wonderful person and even if you do not fully believe it yet, you will. Everyone has a time of their own when working on certain aspects of their lives.  Your time will come if you simply believe and trust in the process.

You need to keep focusing on what you are working on and, as you accomplish even the smallest things, you will gain confidence. You should really pat yourself on the back for the effort you are making. You should remind yourself of the end product and keep working on your personal skills and talents.  As you gain confidence, you will be more likely to try new things.

  1. Remember an occasion during the week when you felt completely confident. 
  2. You need to dig down into your data banks to feel these emotions. 

You may have many instances where you will be reminded of the same, if not similar, instances.  This is where you can draw on your experiences when challenging yourself.

Spend time with confident people.  That is helpful for two reasons:  You learn about being confident from someone who is already there, and you see that even very confident people have fears and doubts at times.

De-mystifying what it means to be confident will help close the gap for you.

Do not be shy about asking questions either.  Most people will be happy to help you. Realising what you are missing out on in life by not being confident is a great motivator for taking action and using the right approach to achieve greater confidence.

When you are holding yourself back, you may end up stuck in an unfulfilling job, a disempowering relationship or just a boring daily routine.

It leaves you feeling flat; having confidence will help you change all the things in your life that do not satisfy you.  Start building confidence with the things that you enjoy doing. Build confidence in areas that will really give you pleasure, keep you motivated and on track.

Try to make a point of reading good articles. This way, you will be getting insight into what makes people confident.   You do not have to take on the world all at once. Think of even a small area where you would like to build confidence and get started by giving yourself credit for everything you try along the way. It is very important, for example, if your goal is to be free of a person in a very manipulating relationship.  You then need to try to avoid that situation as much as possible by spending time with people that support you positively and nurture you on a daily basis.

Create a confidence ritual, in other words, a habit or an activity that you engage in every day for the extra boost.  

A boost of confidence.

Your self-confidence needs as much building as possible, and keeping track of your feelings and emotions will act as a form of exercise.   If you want something badly enough you will do whatever it takes to get it. Have you ever dreamed of a beautiful relationship? It is time to work confidently on it, go out and meet people, meet a lot of people, and then take time to decide what you want to do once you have made the effort.

Your feelings and confidence begin to change when even the smallest amount of effort is made. Give yourself permission to feel comfortable with being confident. Also, remember that being confident does not mean that you are never afraid.  It means that when you trust yourself and you are confident enough, you are able to stop and think clearly enough to create a solid plan. 

Try your best to get help when you need it and do not give up. A reasonable amount of fear just means that you are moving outside of your comfort zone.

At every step along the way, give yourself credit for being who you are. Praise yourself when you have done well. Incentivise yourself, give yourself something to look forward to, spend a little time with children.  There is nothing like the honesty of a young child. You will also see that, because they are young, they do not have the fears and insecurities that many adults have. It is so important to embrace children and take time to learn what you can from them.  They could possibly be your best teacher.

Take risks, approach new experiences and opportunities to learn rather than occasions to win or lose.  Risks do not need to be to your detriment. You do need daily affirmations however - and that will certainly help keep you positive and hopefully feeling more confident. It will also keep negative thoughts at bay.  You do need to be confident in your daily talk, keeping positive words and thoughts in your mind.  If you find negative thoughts keep popping up in your head, try to overcome them by replacing them with something more positive.

Even noticing the smallest positive thing will serve the purpose of building your self-confidence. Do not ever minimise a compliment, try and accept it by saying thank you.  Everyone deserves to feel good, so when a compliment is passed, enjoy it.  Rather give yourself credit for the positive thoughts that go into your daily thinking.

You do need to trust yourself. Create the kind of self you will be happy to live with all your life. Also, learn to evaluate yourself independently.  You know what integrity is and what ultimately a wonderful person requires. That allows you to avoid the constant sense of turmoil that comes from relying exclusively on the opinions of others for your sense of well being. 

You need to trust your inner feelings, your little Jiminy cricket.  That is what we refer to as your conscience. Try to make daily notes so that you can stick to your goals.

We have set out on a self-confident exploration. Visualise yourself feeling confident and acting confident. Picture something you'd like to do and make sure that you are confident. During this process, treat yourself - being good to yourself builds self-esteem. It helps a great deal to get to know yourself completely in order to gain self-confidence. Reflecting on ones self also is a sure way of assessing your true feelings.

It is not merely making a living that is important but also making an impact on each other's lives. It is so important to contribute to others.

Physical exercise is vital to keep your head and emotions on track.  Your serotonin levels will elevate and this is a sure sign of you feeling in higher spirits.  You will feel good about yourself and your happy little endorphins will elevate the way you feel about yourself. Also, keeping in shape makes you look good.  This also helps towards being confident later. 

Learning to meditate is one way of keeping your state of mind in check. Meditation will help you stay in the present and this is a way of acknowledging your thoughts. Also, being fully aware of even your negative thoughts will help you be accountable for them and will help you to stop negative things from happening.

You need to take a bit of time during the day to do things for yourself.  Having a bit of time during the day helps you reflect on your day and the things that you accomplished. Do not hide your talents.  It is vital for your well being to explore all the talents that you have.

There are many lessons to be learned from the lives of others, whether they are famous stories or stories from your grandmother.  Learn from famous people and spend your time reading autobiographies of famous people. Volunteer your time to those less fortunate than you.  This is also one way of contributing.

Developing a confident vocabulary is a sure way for you to gain self-confidence.  The language you use when you talk is very important. To be able to articulate the right words at the right time, will give you confidence in the workplace or even just while having a conversation.

It is also important that you read a lot, because this is where you will gain your extra special vocabulary. Make sure that you have interesting people in your life.  Be with people who have your best interests at heart and who will help broaden your horizons. Also, being with different people will keep you on your toes, just as long as you have a balance. 

If you ever experience failure, remember that you have probably learnt your best life lessons from that feeling. It is so important to learn to deal with your fear of failure. 

We all fail at some time or another and it is how you handle this that determines whether you come out on top. Your worth as a human being remains constant; experiencing failure is just a part of life.  Learn not to fear your failure, but rather to learn from the experience and laugh at yourself - kindly, of course. 

Life is a lot more fun with a sense of humour.  You will become more confident by making sure that you look good in what you are wearing. Take time out, study people, learn from them.  Take care of yourself, treat yourself like you are your very own special friend.  Do not forget a healthy mind makes a healthy body.

You should take time out to learn from the people you admire in your life and slowly start integrating new confidence into your own life.  We can learn what is beneficial to our lives and use these tools to gain a new perspective of the world and ourselves.  Confidence is not a birthright. 

Some people learn it and work hard at achieving confidence in themselves.  We are all capable of changing our ways, just as long as it is for the better.  We have the right to master our minds and our feelings.  We are our own Masters!

Being confident helps you explore and stretch yourself.  When you’re confident in something you can do well, you can build those strengths and push yourself even further, do it even better.  You can also take that confidence and use it to try new things, and knowing that even if you mess up you have enough confidence in yourself to try again.

Life exposes us to all sorts of influences and opinions; we have to have the strength to know what is good for us.  People, newspapers, television etc. can influence us to extremes.  You are now going to be more aware of this fact and act on these influences.  You will not allow anything to influence you to your own detriment.  We are going to flood your mind with positive thoughts, feelings, and emotions that will be uplifting.

Reading biographies of people who have done exceptional things is positive; you will want to aspire to them. Remember, negativity only brings you down. Positivity speeds up any process you are working on. 

Try to not compare yourself to the wrong people as it will destroy your well-earned self-confidence. You may think that other people have perfect lives, but little do you know, their problems may be so well hidden that you are under a false impression.   If you are to choose a person to compare yourself to, let it be someone who inspires you completely.  If there is something you find in someone else that you would like to bring into your life, that is no problem.  Just don’t trample on yourself to do it.  Learn from it and take all the aspects that you need, especially the positive ones.  A boost from others is what you are looking for.

Making the effort to gain more confidence is in my hands and I will make the effort to stand by my new thoughts and actions.

You need to train yourself to become emotionally strong and this, in turn, will help you feel confident in yourself.  You will be able to become self-reliant and self-sufficient and you will understand that you can handle even the most difficult decisions.  You are taking a big step in life, knowing that you can trust yourself and the choices you are making. Just knowing and understanding what is important to you will make you an awesome individual.


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