How we perceive others plays a big part in how we experience life. Of course one is not going to get on with everyone or approve of everything your fellow human beings do, but this is not important. What matters is that they don’t go to the other extreme and not get on with anyone or distrust everyone. This will isolate one from others and put them on alert.
Have you ever wondered why some people cannot seem to trust anyone? Everybody is inherently trusting. We lose faith or hope when that trust gets broken. It is important to re build the trust to make a relationship work or be confident enough to walk away from a relationship if the sense of trust cannot be re-established.
Being able to trust is an important part of life. And this not only relates to trusting other people, it also relates to trusting oneself. Having trust in life is another expression of this. This could be trusting in some kind of belief system for some and for others it could simply be a sense of trust in life.
Just because someone grew up in an environment where they learned not to trust anyone, does not mean this must be permanent. It does mean that it will be a struggle or even an ongoing battle but it can be overcome with hard work, time and energy. Learning to trust oneself is one of the best ways to conquer mistrust and while this may seem counter-intuitive, it does work. In some ways, you need to be confident enough to carry on after your trust was broken and know that other peoples actions will not impact your essential happiness. It is important to build trust again slowly as time has passed and evidence has been gained that some people can be trusted again. If there is no evidence that trust is not being re built by the other person, it is better to let go of that relationship altogether. You need to be confident enough to recognize either of these two scenarios, take action and live your life and love your life.
Tips on How to Trust
- Affirmations are basically things that you say to yourself out loud. These are positive and put you in the right frame of mind. For instance, if you wanted to be a great business person, an affirmation that you might use is ‘I am an incredible business person that seizes all the great opportunities that come my way’. The more you say these types of things, the more you will believe them and therefore trust and believe in yourself.
- Reference points are things that you can look at and use to build a belief. These can be either internal or external. Internal reference points could be something like knowing you are a good public speaker because you were given a standing ovation in one of your speeches. An external reference could be a role model you look up to that has overcome the same type of obstacles you are facing and has succeeded.
- Don’t listen to doubt. If you let it, doubt will always be there to tell you that you can’t do something. You have to learn not to listen to it. Many times doubt will come from other people and you will just have to ignore them. However, most of the time, you are your own worst enemy when it comes to doubting yourself. You still have the choice to listen to doubt even if it is coming from you!
- If you expect your partner to be available at every minute, you are putting him/her up for failure. They cannot be expected to stop their life, but they can make a more concerted effort to keep you involved in their life. Don’t expect that every time your partner doesn’t answer their phone that they are doing something wrong.
- Since trust was broken, insecurity and worry about the relationship may set in. When your thoughts go down the ‘what is my partner doing right now’ path, redirect your thoughts and provide yourself with assurance. These ongoing thoughts can create a cycle of anxiety, all of which can prevent the re-growth of the relationship.
- People see the world through different lenses. Don’t let your lens be a ‘lens of mistrust.’ You have a choice of how you want to see the world.
- You may need some concrete evidence that your partner is sincere with their words. Let your partner know that you need for comfort, but ensure all requests are realistic and unobtrusive. Your partner can’t read your mind, so make your needs as clear as possible.
- Hinting is not an effective means of communication and often causes more problems at a time of distress. Your partner might not get the hint as quickly as you would like, and their lack of understanding might put them up for failure. Be clear and to the point.
- If you can’t seem to stop thinking about the affair and constantly feel like you are walking on egg shells, see a professional therapist. Therapists are trained to help couples get back on track after relationship trauma.
- Many people have a hard time trusting because of their negative experiences and low of self-esteem. To be able to trust again, you need to bring back your confidence and love yourself more.