This just has to be one of the most honest and touching blogs one of my clients has shared with us. The honesty has poured through! I can honestly say that when writing your true feelings down and going back to read them again you realise just how far you've come from working through this for the past few months. I commend you on finding a way to work through this and to find the strength to stay and try again. You were once in love and life was fun! Now, you have eaten that little bag of salt together - get through this and your marriage will be stronger for it!
It all started when his brother passed away. We all loved him - he was an amazing person! It felt like I had lost a brother too, yet nobody cared how I felt. I just got pushed away. I had to be strong for everyone else.
I was dying inside, but he couldn't see it. It was just about how he felt. I just had a baby; my husband had just lost his job; my brother-in-law passed away, but no one cared about me. I've been strong and supportive and I love him, cared for him and gave him a child, yet I still didn't feel loved. Just for once I would like it if he asked "how are you?" or "what can I do for you" or maybe just take action and do something! Rather, he would complain about his bad day at work.
Instead of saying thanks, I have work, I always ask "how are you?" or "how was your day?", but he never asks! I've tried looking passed it, thinking that it's just the way he is and always was. Maybe he didn't change and maybe it's me - maybe I changed. Sure I have changed. I've changed a lot. I've grown up. I've become a mother. I've become very successful in my career. Maybe he is jealous. I have friends and he doesn't. He has become very possessive over me - I don't like it. He pushed me away for so long now he can't get enough of me. I've become very independent. I feel like I don't need him anymore.
He has lied to me, our families and his bosses. He has lost jobs, been retrenched and I've been there. I made a promise the day I married him: "for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part".
So how do I forgive my husband?
By writing this letter I'm putting all my grief, sadness, sorrow, pain, all of it here. It's all going! I have to for my own sake. I made a promise. I'm taking responsibility to just do it. What the heck!? Tomorrow is a new day! I forgive him! I wish things can just be as it was once before - to feel loved and to give love. I want to be in love again. I want to feel like he is in love with me again. I need to tell him what I want and what I need.
If I don't, no-one else will. I need to work on myself every day, to try to understand what he is going through. Baby, I forgive you! Baby, I love you for always and forever! I made a promise before God and I will keep it!
Don’t turn and walk away! Rather be your true independent self and see if your puzzle pieces fit together. But also remember that if those pieces don't fit... You can't smash them into each other: you may need to build a new puzzle!