My anger is my worst enemy. I get very angry about certain things very quickly. I can't control how fast I get angry, but I have learned that I can control how I react to situations that make me angry. Sometimes it's harder to control than others, but every time I end up crying when I calm down, because I'm scared I go back to the person I was.
Before I met Anita, I wouldn't know how to control my anger and I would get to a point where I would end up having blue knuckles if I couldn't find a different way to react. A teacher once saw me hit something so hard, she thought I broke my hand.
When I got angry I used to listen to music on the loudest it could go and I would hit a boxing bag until I started crying - that became my release, my way of getting rid of the pain and anger. I realize now that it didn't help me. In doing that, I taught myself that it was okay to hurt myself to get rid of my anger.
After I started talking to Anita, it was easier to think about why I was angry and react differently. The first thing she taught me is that anger is sadness's bodyguard. So I started writing down why I was sad and why and how I felt. This helped me stop getting so angry. I stopped writing down things a while ago and I am now able to control how angry I get. If I get angry, I lock my door and listen to music on the loudest it will go until I calm down. It works when I'm at home, it calms me down and I even have a playlist created of songs to listen to when I'm angry.
I did have a set-back recently though. The other day I snapped, because I bottled up how certain situations were making me feel. I tried to ignore it, and not talk about things that really upset me. I now realise that those were the very things that made me angry. I smoked and drank because of what was hurting me. I stopped smoking and drinking now and I find it difficult to control my anger again, but here are a list of things I found help me calm down when I am really angry:
- Force yourself to leave the situation. Take a time out, walk away, and avoid coming back until you know you're calm.
- Write down what is upsetting you. It sounds silly, well I thought it sounded silly at first, but it does help you get rid of some of your anger in a healthier way.
- Exercise - Physical exercise is known to release endorphins in the brain and those endorphins act as a natural "drug" that make a person more energetic, more awake and happier.
- Think before you act.
- Talk to someone about why you are angry.