At Some Point
At some point, we all argue for our limitations. We insist that we can’t do, be, or have what we want. We then create an elaborate defence explaining why we can’t and this defence is filled with a range of excuses. These excuses and rationalizations we all use hold us back from living the life we dream of living. The big problem here is that the limitations seem so real that we often think we have no choice but to believe them. The science behind this, however, is that most of what is going on in our minds are stories that we tell ourselves. To me, this is insane and makes no sense but for many years, my life was based almost entirely on my limitations.
Why do we argue for our limitations
The fears that we don’t face become our limitations! We argue for our limitations because we defend what we fear and we are afraid of the unknown. We are so accustomed to what we have always believed about ourselves that to let go of our old self and set of behaviours, we fear what will replace the old self. Our old self-defines who we are and as crazy as it may seem... we have become comfortable in being a victim of our limitations. And in many ways, our limitations have protected ourselves.
How will things work out? This is a fear that would come to my mind. If I stop arguing for my limitations a ginormous hole will open up and what do I fill this hole with? This new space made me feel extremely vulnerable... it was far too deep and too wide and way too out of control. To be honest, I was petrified! But imagine the infinite possibilities that you can fill this hole with...
Get curious and open yourself up to what could be possible. An activity that helped me was to brainstorm all possibilities and options that were available to me in life. I wrote down all my dreams, ambitions, goals, options and possibilities and very quickly saw that I had argued for my limitations in almost every possibility that lay in front of me on my paper. I had been defeated in my mind before I even gave myself a chance. Life is ALWAYS about CHOICE!!
We always have a choice and even the choice not to choose is a choice. This exercise helped me acknowledge that I had actually made the choice to live ruled by my limitations. Your life will return to what you choose over and over and over again. Just as much as your life is your life, your limitations are your limitations... is it not worth asking yourself, “what am I doing with them?”.
What happened to me when I argued for my limitations?
Life gave back to me exactly what I put out there. By this, I mean that, if I am putting out the belief that I am incapable of doing, being or having something in life because of a limitation, that was my experience. I lived almost completely on my limitations and believed them so strongly, that the truth was each and every one of them played out in my life. I strongly believed each of the excuses I made up to try and defend my limitations. I defended my limitations with excuses such as...
- This is just who I am
- Things are outside of my control
- I don’t have enough experience for that job
- I have some sort of medical or psychological problem
- ____________ is just out to get me (friend, boss, colleague etc)
- I am unlovable
- I will always be the rebel
- I don’t fit the mold
- I am dyslexic and ADHD and won’t be able to hold down a successful job
- I am a drug addict
- I had a really rough childhood
- I am too young/ too old for that
- I don’t have the right connections
- My _____________ is unsupportive (family, friends, partner)
- I was a victim of ___________(abuse, neglect, disease)
- I have has a very hard life
- I have the worst luck
- I am not enough
I came to identify with these limitations in such an unyielding way, that I was so stuck in a plague of limitations. I had to chip away at each of them one by one. I can sympathize with feeling victimized by life, but I swear to you that my life not only started again but took off when I dropped the excuses and trusted my capability to fly.
Don’t Let Your Inner Critic Win
We are so used to arguing for our limitations as humans, that your inner critic (unconscious fear) is going to fight for you to think all of this is bullshit. Your disconnected and fearful self is going to tell you this is all cheesy and a fluffy cloud that is unrealistic. It is going to tell you that all this seems like a hell of a lot of work when your life wasn’t that bad to start anyway. You will have to deal with your inner critic telling you that, “life isn’t that serious”.... more arguing for your limitations while you degrade your life, degrade your life and degrade it some more.
Remember to be constantly aware and mindful, because it is so easy to return (even unconsciously) to a life controlled by your limitations.
Let your mind wonder about people you admire or even to the greats that are recognized across the world. These people often had to face and overcome enormous obstacles and limitations, sometimes much greater than the ones that your or I face. The greats refused to believe that their limitations could limit them. They harnessed their power to get what they want and where they want to be.
My goal is not to offend you or hurt you in any way, but to help you move past these limitations you have come to identify with in some way. I want to encourage and help you move past your limitations so that you can move forward, grow and create a life that you want. I come from a place of deep understanding and love. I took the leap and have spent time in the gap between who I believed I was and who I want to be and yes, that gap is scary at times, but the joy and freedom you will feel is something that I want the world to feel.
Choose what you want to believe, because life has no limitations except the ones we make. I have started to live the life I wanted to because I stopped making excuses as to why I don’t have it. If you believe half as hard in your infinite potential as you do in your limitations, miracles start to happen.
#livelifelovelife #iambetteratbeingbetter #iamlivinginthemoment