Going Our Separate Ways
"Just the other day one of my young clients arrived tired from crying and sad from hurting. Her story touched me and I said one way of healing is sharing. There are so many broken hearts out there hurting and not understanding love and why it has to be so tough. For me, as a life coach, I try really hard to not get emotional with these broken hearts but it is never easy. Its not fair to see two people who were once in love become ruthless and cruel towards one another to a point of no return. One thing I can say to help heal and move away from what really hurts and confuses you is to know that you don't deserve to be treated badly... No one does. If I can add one more bit of wisdom - If you don't love someone anymore set them free and let them be. Healing from a broken heart is a process and it takes time."
“The healer you have been looking for is your own courage to know and love yourself completely” – Yung Pueblo
"So here is her story..."
Most recently I have come face to face with a monster that’s been hiding in my closet for 13 years.
I met Guy in my early twenties and we hit it off almost immediately. There’s just one thing though… Guy was not available. Looking back now, I realise he never was available. For me. Alas at that time he was neither single nor available to mingle. But for the next four years, we mingled (if you catch my drift). Then suddenly he was available and asked me to be his girlfriend. It was everything I’d ever wanted from him. Or so I thought until I had to sit with what his then Main Chick (I was the Side Chick remember) did and I quickly learnt that I was not fit to handle all of Guy and his things. So I curtsied and excused myself.
We eventually found our way back together again. This time, not only was he married to the same woman (Main Chick) from years ago but I was now set up and settled in Lesboville – a story for another day.
And you know what? Guy just always seemed to have impeccable timing and wording. And I, oh I just fell every single time and for every single word.
Needless to say what I had imagined as a honeymoon phase quickly turned into a horror movie starring, written and directed and produced by yours truly.
Fast forward to currently: Guy contacts me in a whirlwind of texts and all-thanks-to-modern-technology video calls with invites to me to visit him overseas “all expenses paid”. This was accompanied by sweet words and promises and all the things my vulnerable little heart desired. I turned down the invite but Guy didn’t give up. Oh no. In fact, he went on to plan what turned out to be a lovely Festive holidays getaway. I met him at the airport upon his arrival back to the Mother Land and proceeded to spend the majority of his two-month stay at his house in one of the leafy suburbs of Joburg with “the love of my life”. That’s as good as it got.
This being my case in point because the closer his departure date got the more distant we became until we were at each other’s throats because I wanted l.o.v.e and he simply is not that into me to give that to me. Instead, I got excuses and emotionless “get-over-it” responses.
Needless to say what I had imagined as a Honeymoon phase quickly turned into a Horror Movie starring, written and directed and produced by yours truly.
Today I sat on my Life Coach’s couch weeping like a widow as she asked me where my spark had gone? It dawned on me at that very moment that I had allowed Guy to take control of my emotions not only for this decade plus but more especially the last few months. Why?
As I got off that couch I wiped my tears because: “if I love myself I must set myself free”.
And so my healing begins.